CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
