Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I think i got beer on your cat.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
