I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
