Have you finally orgasmed yet?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
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