Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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