everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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