Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
