Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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