My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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