If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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