dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
