you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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