some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
