I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Randomize
