I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
