I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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