My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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