And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
