glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
