You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
