are you still at the devil's house?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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