I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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