My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
