U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
