You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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