AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
