He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
