Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
