LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
