My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
