i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
