I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
