Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
