my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
