i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize