Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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