Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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