If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
