Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
