saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
