operation harelip BJ is a go
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
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