I'm really into asian looking animals
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Welp...herpes.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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