I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
