My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
