brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
