I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i barfeds in our rink
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize