So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
