It was confusing and full of hummus
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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