corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
