I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
