what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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