he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
