My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
cat food counts as protein by the way
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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