i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
