he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Drake has all the answers
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
