I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Enjoy the penises
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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