i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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