I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
