I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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