Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
