remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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