if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
