her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
