i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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