remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
