dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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