You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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