you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
