How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
