Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
