Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize
