i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
