He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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