Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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