there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
